All of You Page 39

  “Because you’re as white as a fucking ghost,” Nathan replied. “And because you’re not grinning like idiot, like you usually do when you’re texting with her.”

  When Danny didn’t answer – because he was too twisted up and freaked out to – Nathan slowly nodded. “Yep. Right. I’ll go track down Joe.” He popped the trunk and opened the driver’s side door. “I think I saw him shuffling around outside the parking garage a minute ago…”

  Nathan shut his door, grabbed the blanket out of the trunk, and slammed that shut. While Nathan made his way over to find one of their homeless guys (a one-eyed Vietnam Vet named Joe), Danny called Kat.

  She answered on the third ring. “Hey.”

  Her distant, flat tone of voice did nothing to allay Danny’s fears.

  Kat cleared her throat. “Decided you’d rather talk, huh?” she said with some forced cheerfulness that turned his stomach.

  “Kat, what the fuck is going on?”

  She paused. “What do you mean?”

  “I’ve been calling you since seven o’clock…no answer. I texted…no answer. I finally get a text that says you’re home, but you still don’t answer my calls or my texts. And then, when you do finally text me, you basically tell me to leave you the fuck alone until tomorrow night.”

  Danny took a deep breath.

  Get a grip.

  Don’t overreact any more than you already are.

  There must be some logical explanation why she’s freezing you out.

  Calm. The Fuck. Down.

  Danny exhaled slowly and lowered his voice. “Why aren’t you at my house, Kat? In my bed? Where you’re supposed to be?”

  “Excuse me?”

  “You heard me. We haven’t been apart for a second longer than necessary since all this shit started and now, all-of-a-sudden, you feel like ‘sleeping in your own bed?’” Danny paused. “You need to talk to me, Kat. Right fucking now. Before I flip out and drive over there.”

  Her silence physically hurt.

  “Kat…” Danny exhaled a hard breath, head shaking. “Come on, sweetheart…talk to me.” He grabbed the back of his neck and squeezed. “If you tell me, I can fix it for you. I know you like to tackle your own shit and I love you for it, but you’ve got me to lean on, now. So, please, talk to me.” When Kat didn’t respond, Danny said, “Did something happen at work?”

  “No. I’m tired. I had a long, busy day and I’m physically and emotionally burned out. I came back to my house because I need a good night’s sleep – without interruption or strenuous physical activity.” Kat paused. “You know, I really don’t know why you’re making such a big issue of this, Danny. It’s one night, for God’s sake. I think you’ll live.”

  It probably made him the biggest pussy alive, but she’d just hurt his damn feelings.

  Bad.

  The power shift of him obviously wanting her and needing her more made Danny feel vulnerable.

  And stupid.

  And terrified.

  “Well, I definitely don’t want to interrupt. Or bother you with any ‘strenuous physical activity.’ So, don’t worry, I’ll leave you alone.”

  “Danny, that’s not what I meant…” Kat replied, voice slightly softened.

  “No, I get it. You need some space. And that’s cool. I’m down with that. Probably a good idea for both of us.” Danny tugged at his uniform collar, because he suddenly felt like he was choking. “Just wish you would have said that up-front and saved us both the hassle, you know?”

  A long, uncomfortable silence stretched out before Danny finally cleared his throat again. “Well, have a nice night. If you feel like hooking up tomorrow, give me a buzz.” Danny tried swallowing down the boulder in his throat. “If not, no big deal.” When Kat didn’t respond, Danny nodded slowly. “Okay, then…I guess I’ll see you later?”

  “Danny, I…”

  Kat’s words trailed off.

  He managed to push, “Yeah?” past the hideous tightness in his throat.

  Talk to me.

  Tell me you still love me.

  Because I love you so much and it’s killing me that I can’t say it to you right now.

  Kat finally exhaled a long breath. “Nothing. Have a safe shift. I’ll call you tomorrow and we’ll make plans, okay?”

  “Yeah. Okay.”

  Another weird silence stretched out, during which Danny’s brain screamed:

  Please say you love me.

  If you say that, I’ll know everything is really okay, deep-down.

  If you say that, I’ll be able to make it until tomorrow night without losing my shit completely.

  Please…just say it…

  “Okay…well…good-night, Danny. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

  Danny’s hand tightened around the phone. “Yep. Good-night.”

  A few seconds later, she was gone.

  *

  “Looks like a pretty decent stitch-up job.” Ben leaned a hip into the counter and crossed his arms over his chest, gaze narrowing on the side of Kat’s head. “You can barely see it.”

  Kat pushed her hair back over the spot to completely cover the spot. “I asked Stella to do it, but she is surprisingly squeamish about stitching so the attending ER doc did it.” Kat reached up and repositioned a chunk of hair, trying to cover the stitches. She lowered her voice and peeked around Ben before saying, “I didn’t tell the guys what happened.”

  It was so early none of her co-workers were in, but she and Ben were tucked into a back corner of the lab where Kat was unpacking the newly delivered equipment, anyway.

  Kat did one more quick peek, just to make sure nobody had snuck in. She rolled her eyes. “Stellan’s a huge worrier. Plus, he has a penchant for gossiping with sisters about stuff I’d rather keep quiet.”

  “Stella and…” A weird expression crossed Ben’s face. He cleared his throat. “Your other sister already know. Won’t they tell the others?”

  “I swore them to temporary secrecy.” Kat lifted a shoulder before sliding the X-Acto knife across the top of a box. “Plus, they don’t fully comprehend how bad it is. They heard fifty-fifty chance of staying benign and – God love ‘em – that’s what they’re running with.”

  Ben’s silence had Kat glancing over.

  At her quirked brow, he shrugged. “Fifty-fifty is fifty-fifty. Why are you running with worst case scenario?” He gestured down to her lower half. “From what I can see, your legs are back to good and all of the other symptoms have subsided. Maybe it really was just a simple flare-up and not an indication that things are getting worse. Maybe there really is nothing to worry about.”

  “Who said I was worried?” She shrugged again, turning her attention back to the box of lab burners. “It is what it is. No sense in worrying about it or wishing otherwise, right? Nothing you can do about it, anyway.”

  Ben huffed softly. “You can fool all of them, but you can’t fool me, Kat. ‘Cause I’ve been there.” When she looked up at him, his lips tugged into a half-smile. “You’re looking at the master of pretending-not-to-give-a-shit-when-really-I’m-scared-out-of-my-goddamn-mind-about-shit-going-on-in-my-body.” Ben’s smile faded, his dark brown eyes way too compassionate and wise. “And I know that’s why you’re pushing that crazy-ass man of yours away, too.”

  The thoughts and emotions Kat had been trying so desperately to beat back slammed into her, making her breath catch, her chest ache, and her eyes well.

  She’d thought of nothing but that crazy-ass man for the past eight hours.

  But Kat was handling the horrific guilt and nearly crippling agony relatively well, she thought.

  Sure, she hadn’t slept a wink all night.

  And, yes, she’d cried into her pillow so hard that Fi had knocked on her door several times, concerned that Kat’s stifled sobs were being caused by physical pain.

  I would take any manner of physical pain over this, Kat thought, unconsciously rubbing at the terrible ache behind her sternum.

  Because
I feel like I’m dying.

  But no medicine can help me. No surgery can remove this. Nothing can cure it.

  I just need to push through. Time will ease it. I’m sure it will…

  And the worst part was knowing she’d hurt Danny.

  Kat knew she’d never forget that insecure, heartrending tone in his voice…the hurt he’d tried so desperately to cover up.

  The furious rubbing she was doing against her skin began to burn.

  Because, if it doesn’t ease up, I might actually die of a broken heart.

  “Kat?” Ben’s deep voice broke through her sleep-deprived, heartsick musings.

  Kat forced herself to focus. “Yeah?”

  “Maybe you should take the day off to rest.” He handed her a roll of paper towel he’d grabbed off a lab table. When Kat stared at it questioningly, Ben gestured to her face and quietly said, “You’re crying.”

  Kat’s hands flew to her cheeks to find them embarrassingly wet.

  Shit.

  She ripped off a few sheets of the coarse, brown toweling and blotted at her cheeks.

  Kat exhaled a shaky laugh. “I’ve been doing more unconscious crying the past two days than I’ve done regular crying in the past twenty-eight years.” She sniffled, folding the paper towel into a neat square before glancing back up at Ben. “I’d normally be humiliated to be caught crying – and at work of all places – but I seem to be beyond shame right now.” Her lips curled into the tiniest of smiles. “Plus, it’s hard to be embarrassed in front of a guy who has a copy of Love, Actually in his truck.”

  Ben barked out a loud laugh. “Okay, that’s a low blow, Kat.” He shook his head, grinning. “But I refuse to let you shame me. One of my tech assistants lent it to me. And she says there’s some really good acting in there.” At Kat’s skeptical brow quirk, Ben laughed again. “Fine. You caught me. I-”

  “Well, isn’t this fucking cozy?”

  At the sound of Danny’s deep voice, Kat jumped, nearly falling off her stool. She braced her right foot on the ground and leaned left far enough to see Danny standing – in full uniform and holding a Dunkin’ Donuts cup – behind and to the left of Ben…

  Who had wisely chosen to turn around and slowly start side-stepping back and away from Kat.

  And Danny.

  Kat soaked in the sight of him, feeling a hundred things at once…

  Happiness, despite the circumstance, because it felt like an eternity since she’d last seen him.

  Concern at the dark circles under his eyes.

  Gut-wrenching guilt at the look of betrayal and confusion on his face.

  And legitimate alarm at the way he was now staring at poor Ben.

  “Um…” Kat began, without having a single idea of what to say or do next.

  She looked between Danny’s hard, inscrutable face and Ben’s surprisingly unconcerned expression.

  Ben was just standing there, hands shoved into the front pockets of his khaki cargo pants, like he didn’t have a care in the world. As if Danny didn’t look 1.1 seconds away from removing Ben’s head from his shoulders with his bare hands.

  With a brief nod and terribly foolish half-smile, Ben pulled his right hand out of his pocket and jerked a thumb over his shoulder. “It was nice to see you again, Danny, but I’m gonna head back to my lab.”

  The way Danny’s lips curled tightened Kat’s chest.

  “Well, don’t leave on my account, now, Ben. I was just coming to bring my girl a coffee…” Danny met her eyes, the coldness in his making her stomach lurch. “Seeing as she had to work so early today.” He glanced back at Ben, that hideous smile still on his face. “I would have brought you one too, if I’d known you were going to be here. My apologies for being so rude.”

  The way Danny rested his hand on his holstered gun sent a shiver down Kat’s spine.

  Of course, she knew Danny would never shoot Ben, but that Danny would even perform such a blatant power play did have her concerned about his state of mind.

  Ben, however, still seemed blissfully unconcerned as he lifted a hand toward Danny, backing up toward the front of the lab. “No worries. Have a nice day.” He shot Kat a pointed look and said, “Tell him,” before turning and walking away.

  Danny watched Ben’s every movement like a hawk until he disappeared from view.

  Kat held her breath, gripping the countertop for support, as he slowly turned back to face her.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  ‡

  “Tell me what?” he asked with a calm evenness that freaked Kat out way more than any demonstrative anger or agitation she’d seen from him before.

  When she just shook her head a few times, Danny nodded slowly, as if taking her silence for an answer.

  Fickle Bitch Brain screamed: Tell him everything! Put his mind at ease and relieve yourself of all this!

  Better Judgment: Let him jump to conclusions. It will only make what’s to come easier on him. You know what you have to do, Kat…don’t make any of this harder on him than it has to be. Stop dragging things out for your own selfish reasons!

  Danny set the coffee cup down, braced a hand against the counter, and dropped the other hand onto his waist. The pose was deceptively casual, but the ghastly expression on his face was anything but.

  “You know, Kat…” Danny began quietly, his intense gaze latched firmly onto hers. “I spent all night and all this morning wondering…trying to figure out what could have happened between six and eleven o’clock last night…” He shook his head, looking around, as if for answers. “What could have possibly gotten into you to make you turn so fucking cold on me.”

  The short, hard scoff he exhaled sent another shiver down Kat’s spine.

  “I was so sure something had happened to upset you. I thought maybe something happened at work yesterday…that maybe someone here had said or done something to freak you out like that.” Danny tilted his head toward the coffee. “So I decided I’d bring you a coffee and check everything out. Make sure you were okay. Maybe give you a hug and a kiss to make you feel better.” His Adam’s apple worked his throat like crazy as he slowly, thoroughly searched her face. “But now I’m thinking maybe you don’t need me here after all, huh, Kat?” The flippant mask slipped just enough for Kat to see the raging uncertainty and fear in his eyes. “That maybe you don’t need me anymore, period.” His voice lowered and tightened adding, “You decide Ben’s a better fit after all, Kat?”

  Kat felt the tears welling, but she couldn’t let them fall.

  This is perfect. Let him think something is going on with you and Ben.

  You will accomplish your goal of pushing him away and setting him free.

  Just tell him you are having sudden, unexpected feelings for Ben.

  It will do the trick.

  Danny is over-reactive and insecure. He will fall for it hook, line, and sinker. It will hurt him so badly that he’ll walk away, none the wiser.

  Say it.

  Say it!

  Kat opened her mouth to confirm Danny’s ridiculous – but obviously very real-to-him – fears.

  Unfortunately, instead of coolly declaring the non-existent, totally nonsensical transfer of affections, Kat burst out crying. She buried her face in her hands, loud, hard sobs wracking her body.

  “Does this mean I’m right?” When Kat shook her head, Danny asked, “Then why did you shut me out last night, Kat? Why didn’t you want to see me?” He paused and when he spoke again, his voice was so tight it hurt Kat’s heart. “Why didn’t you say you loved me?”

  When Kat just lifted her head, tears still streaming, and stared back at him, Danny pushed off the counter and stepped closer. She caught a hint of his scent, warm and familiar, and it wreaked utter havoc on her body and brain.

  Danny took another step closer…so close Kat had to tilt her head back to maintain eye contact. He gently gripped her knees, making Kat’s breath catch and her body ache.

  Danny slowly turned her on the stool until Kat’s back
faced the counter. He braced a hand on either side of her, on the edges of the counter, and leaned in so far Kat had no choice but to lean back, too, or have his lips land on hers.

  Which she wanted with a greater passion than she’d ever wanted anything in her life.

  His lips on hers, his hands on her body, and…

  No!

  Don’t you even think about it!

  Don’t you dare do it, Kat!

  Kat’s fingers curled into her palms as her gaze dropped down to the discernible bulge just below Danny’s utility belt.

  Suddenly, all thoughts were squarely centered on getting him inside of her as quickly as possible.

  Right here.

  Right frickin’ now.

  She started panting.

  I love him.

  I need him.

  I’ll always need him.

  And I want him so badly I can hardly see straight.

  God, I’ve missed him so much…

  “Kat?”

  She lifted her eyes to his and was somewhat surprised to find his smoldering as hard as she knew hers were.

  The corner of his mouth ticked into the smallest of grins. “Seeing that look on your face has me feeling a million times better, sweetheart.”

  Kat was feeling a million times better, too. Just being close to him made all the rest of it fall away, leaving only the love she had for him…

  Although the rabid lust she was currently feeling seemed to be trumping even that.

  Not able to keep her hands off him for a second more, Kat grabbed his face and pulled his mouth down to hers, moaning loudly when Danny’s hands grabbed her butt and pulled her – still on the stool – between his splayed legs…

  Which positioned them so his erection was now pressing into her stomach.

  With a quick nip to his lower lip and slip of her tongue into his hot, wet mouth, Kat reached down and gripped his erection. Hard.

  The deep, low moan she was rewarded with only spurred Kat on.

  Danny groaned when she released him, but then moaned, again, when he felt Kat fumbling with his belt buckle. A few seconds later, Kat had it undone and the zipper pulled down enough to slide her hand into the front of his pants.