All of You Read online

  Danny barked out a hard laugh. “Oh, I’m for sure bothering her, Ben. Always have, isn’t that right, Kat?” He locked eyes with her. “You see, Ben, Kat and I have a bit of a past….”

  “Danny, you need to leave. Now,” Kat interjected evenly. “I’m not going to ask you again.”

  “Or what? You gonna call the cops?” Danny moved his eyes over to Ben and whispered, “I’m a cop.”

  Danny’s false bravado waned when Kat suddenly pressed her hand against the wall and transferred her weight to her right leg. He pushed off the couch to help her, but Ben was already there, arm around the middle Kat’s back.

  “Is it your leg?” Ben asked her quietly.

  Perfectly respectfully.

  Very kindly.

  And Danny saw red.

  “Get your fucking hand off her or, I swear to God, I will take it off for you,” he breathed out through gritted teeth, hands balled into fists at his side.

  Ben stepped at Danny and Danny stepped at him, forcing poor Kat to step between them.

  “You know what, Danny, that’s it!” Kat shoved at Danny’s chest. “Get out! Or I will call the cops! Or, better yet, I’ll call Nathan!”

  That should have been enough to back Danny down, but it wasn’t.

  Not now.

  Not when Danny was so far beyond any action/consequence connections.

  Ben and Danny entered into a long, hard, incredibly antagonistic stare-off above Kat’s head. The guy had balls, Danny had to give him that. But, as much admiration as Danny had for a guy who stepped up, it wasn’t going to stop him from beating Ben’s ass into the ground. Even if it meant getting arrested, suspended, and forced into mandatory counseling for anger management.

  Getting this guy away from Kat would be worth all of it.

  Because deep down, where all of Danny’s lifelong insecurities resided, he couldn’t think of a single reason Kat would choose him over a smart, good-looking, seemingly normal guy like Ben Forster.

  And that terrified him.

  Did he know he was being an irrational, immature, insecure jerk-off?

  Yep.

  Did he care at the moment?

  Hell, no.

  Kat turned to face Ben, one palm still flat against Danny’s chest. He fought the urge to grab it and press it to his lips. So stupid, but he was starving for her touch, her taste, and whatever little bit of attention he could get from her. Had spent the past two days doing very little else but thinking about her and getting his hands on her again…feeling her hands on him.

  Lovesick asswipe?

  Guilt as fucking charged.

  “Ben, can you give us a second, please? I need to talk to Danny. In private.” When Ben continued staring Danny down, Kat huffed. “Ben!”

  Ben finally lowered his eyes to hers. “You sure, Kat?”

  “Yeah. She’s sure,” Danny shot back, earning him a lethal look from Kat.

  Why it made him want to smile, Danny had no idea. Like a child, he guessed negative attention was better than no attention at all.

  Kat turned back to Ben. “Yes. Please go out to the car. I’ll be there in a minute.”

  Ben slowly backed up toward the door, eyes never leaving Danny’s.

  When Ben reached behind him and opened the door, Danny plastered on a huge shit-eating grin and waved. “Bye, Ben.”

  The guy was dying to punch his lights out, no doubt about it. If looks could kill, the glare Ben shot Danny would have annihilated him on the spot.

  Luckily for everyone involved, Ben was a million times more mature than Danny. No doubt he was a better man all the way around.

  Ben shot Kat one last glance before finally walking out the front door.

  Kat whipped around and Danny grinned, giving her a thumbs-up. “Seems like a good guy.”

  Kat’s eyes widened before narrowing. “You…” she breathed out. “How dare you?”

  Danny’s grin vanished. “How dare I?” He took a big step toward her, bringing their bodies very close together. “How dare you.”

  Kat reared back. “How dare I, what, Danny?”

  “Don’t you pull that innocent act with me. You know exactly what’s going on here. You know exactly the shit you are pulling.”

  “Uh, no, actually, I don’t. A nice, interesting, smart man asked me on a date last week. I said ‘yes,’ he came to pick me up, and now we’re going out to dinner and to the opera.” Kat eyed him. “The only thing I can’t figure out is what the hell you’re doing here.”

  Damn, she was cold. As ice. And her refusal – or inability – to be as torn up as Danny hurt like a motherfucker.

  Danny was drowning and Kat was the only one who could save him. She held every bit of the power and that realization had him clawing to regain it.

  By any method at his disposal.

  He grabbed onto her hips and yanked her flush against him, lowering his lips to her ear and whispering, “Does he know my mouth was on you, Kat?” She immediately stilled in his arms. Danny grazed the curve of her ear with his lips and gratefully absorbed her body’s shudder into his own. “Does he know I tasted you? Ate at you? That you screamed my name over and over and over again?”

  Kat’s entire body began trembling and Danny tightened his grip. “That you came for me…hard? That you’re dying to do it for me again? Right now?”

  Danny curled his fingers around the nape of her neck and pulled her up to meet his mouth.

  Kat put up an admirable struggle, pushing against his chest with both hands and trying to pull her head out of Danny’s grip. But a few seconds later, the struggle ceased, her fingers curling into his biceps. She leaned her entire frame against Danny’s with one of her little mind-fucking sighs. Danny groaned into her mouth as their tongues frantically searched out and finally found each other.

  In an instant, he was frenzied to get at her.

  Inside of her.

  Any way he could.

  Danny couldn’t get his tongue in deep enough or hard enough.

  Kat seemed to feel the same way, utter contempt for his immature, idiotic behavior aside. She sucked on his tongue, bit at his lips, and then slid her tongue back into his mouth.

  She shoved her hands up beneath his jacket and shirt, up his back, and then dragged her fingernails down – hard and fast – nearly bringing Danny to his knees.

  He broke away from their kiss, panting, and gaped at her. “Jesus Christ, Kat…”

  But she wasn’t looking for his reflective chit-chat. Kat wrapped her hand around his neck and pulled his mouth back to hers, hard. They continued going at each other like a couple of sexually-frustrated teenagers for a few more minutes until Kat finally broke away.

  “No…this isn’t…” Kat panted out, her breath as jagged and fast as Danny’s. “We can’t do this, Danny…” She tried to push out of his embrace, but Danny wouldn’t allow it. “Let me go…”

  “Why can’t we?” He lowered her lips to her ear. “Because of that asshole outside?” Danny pressed his lips to the skin behind her ear and smiled against it when Kat shivered. “Give me one second and he’ll be gone.”

  “No, not just because of him…” Kat tried, once again, to put space between them, but Danny wasn’t having it.

  “Then, why?”

  When Kat didn’t respond, Danny lifted his head and searched the gold, brown, and green depths of her eyes. “Why didn’t you answer my texts? Or my calls?” He paused, voice tightening. “Why don’t you want to talk to me, Kat?”

  “Because, what is there to talk about?”

  I don’t know…

  Anything.

  Everything.

  “Danny, I’ve really gotta go,” she said, pulling back.

  “Why are you always pushing me away?” he asked quietly. When Kat stilled in his arms, Danny forced a smile, even though his chest ached like hell. “I know I can be a handful sometimes, but am I really that bad?”

  Her eyes filled with tears. “Danny…”

  Danny’s
body tensed, waiting for it…

  What he’d been secretly wanting for a year and half. What he’d wanted that night before she’d left his house.

  What he’d called, texted, and come over here for. What he’d nearly come to blows for and what he needed so badly he could hardly breathe.

  Kat’s affection.

  Any sign she cared for him.

  Any indication Danny was as important to her as she was to him.

  That she wanted him. That she would take him on, despite knowing what a huge pain in the ass he was…what a needy, wild bastard he’d always been and always would be.

  That she wanted to tame him. That she wanted him and only him. Forever. That she would let him have her and keep her, no matter what. That she would bear the brunt of his unruly, insecure, fearful love.

  That Danny would never have to fuck another stranger, drink his loneliness away, or cope with the awful, empty, gnawing feeling in his gut he’d had since birth…

  The one that didn’t seem to hurt so bad when she was around.

  Danny searched her damp, hazel eyes and prayed to God she would put him out of thirty-two years of misery.

  Unfortunately, it seemed Kat wasn’t in a particularly merciful mood tonight.

  “I’m sorry, Danny. It just wouldn’t work out,” she said quietly.

  Danny’s emotions spun out of control and his insides raged at the resolute, distant tone of her voice.

  He’d never had her to begin with, but somehow it still felt like Danny had lost her.

  But he couldn’t walk away. His stupid heart wouldn’t allow it.

  “You seem very sure about that,” Danny said.

  Kat paused before nodding slowly. “Yeah…I am.”

  When Kat turned to walk away again, Danny grabbed her arm. Kat turned back with a sigh and Danny laid whatever pride he had left down at her feet.

  “Please don’t go.”

  Kat’s eyes welled again.

  He blew out a hard sigh, grabbing at the back of his neck. “Listen, I don’t know how to do this or what to say, but…”

  She shook her head. “Danny…”

  “Just don’t go with him. Please. I…” Danny swallowed a few times, searching for any words that might make her understand. “I don’t think I could stand it. Just don’t go. Stay with me, okay? Please.”

  Pick me.

  Love me.

  Need me as much as I need you.

  Kat stared into his eyes for a long time.

  Then she turned away, slipped on her jacket, slung her purse over her shoulder and walked out the door.

  Chapter Eighteen

  ‡

  Kat pushed her green beans around the plate with her fork. She’d taken a few bites of the Chicken Marsala, hoping against hope that some food would alleviate the awful, gnawing sensation in the pit of her stomach.

  Unfortunately, now she felt heartsick and nauseous.

  Kat glanced up and found Ben studying her across the table.

  She tried smiling. “Anything interesting going on in the lab these days?”

  Ben smiled back – warmly, yes, but also shrewdly. “So, you gonna tell me what that was all about back there, Kat?”

  Kat waved off his question. “Oh, yeah. That.” She exhaled a forced laugh. “Sorry about that. He’s my brother-in-law’s best friend. And partner.” Kat took a big sip of Riesling and set her glass back on the table. “He gets dramatic sometimes. Don’t worry about him. He’s nobody.”

  “Sure didn’t look like ‘nobody’ to me,” Ben replied.

  Kat’s smile faded as she moved her wineglass around and around in small circles on the tablecloth.

  After a long pause, she said, “He’s…we’re…well…” She sighed, glancing up at Ben. “I guess you could say it’s complicated.”

  “Is he the reason you never wanted to go out with me?” Ben asked.

  Kat reared back. “What do you mean?”

  Ben pulled his napkin off his lap and set it next to his plate, smiling wryly. “I’ve been trying to ask you out for a year. Every time I mustered up the courage, I always felt like I was running straight into a brick wall. I thought it was because of the MS stuff, but now I’m thinking maybe it’s because you were already in love with that guy.” Ben exhaled a deep chuckle. “Or maybe you just don’t find me attractive. Either way, we’re probably better off as friends, huh?”

  “I’m so sorry, Ben,” Kat said, unsure of exactly which part of it she was apologizing for…

  Not being romantically interested in him, not finding him attractive in that way, or already being in love with Danny.

  Maybe all three.

  Although, if Kat had been a betting woman, she would have put it all on Ben not really being all that into her, either. He had most likely been doing the same in asking as Kat had done in accepting – trying to fit somewhere, with someone.

  Ben shrugged. “It’s not the first time I’ve been friend-zoned and it won’t be the last. That’s what happens when you’re the quiet, nice guy, right?”

  Kat wasn’t a hugger, but she wished she could hug Ben right now. Because she knew what it felt like to be the underdog vying for attention in a world full of top dogs.

  “There’s nothing wrong with being quiet or nice,” she said, meaning every word. “And, despite how cliché this sounds, I have no doubt in my mind there is someone out there who will go crazy for you.”

  “As crazy as that dude is for you?” he teased.

  Kat set her fork down and folded her hands in her lap. “He’s not crazy for me.” She smiled in spite of herself. “He’s just crazy in general. And really, really confused right now.”

  Ben laughed. “That guy’s a lot of things, Kat, but ‘confused’ isn’t one of them. He knows exactly what he wants, no doubt about it.”

  It all washed over Kat again – the exhilaration of touching and tasting him again, the heart-breaking, gut-wrenching things Danny had said, and the hideous look of hurt on his face when she’d left the apartment.

  Kat knew Danny didn’t let his guard down for many people; Nathan was probably the only one. So making himself vulnerable like that must have taken an incredible amount of courage.

  But she had been so taken aback by it all – Danny’s appearance, his ridiculously over-the-top display of jealousy (the guiltiest secret pleasure of Kat’s entire life), and the soft, sweet way he’d all but begged her to stay with him…

  But you walked away from him. Left him, like so many other people have.

  Kat could hardly breathe, it hurt so badly.

  More tears formed in her eyes.

  Embarrassed and feeling guilty about being the World’s Shittiest Dinner Companion, Kat cleared her throat and slapped on one of her famous masks.

  She opened her mouth to say something smart or witty…and promptly busted out crying.

  These weren’t nice, quiet, ladylike tears, either. This was a loud, ugly, convulsive cry that had everyone in the upscale restaurant turning and staring.

  As Kat shoved her raccoon-eyed, wet, snotty face into the white linen napkin and cried like a baby, Ben was kind enough to toss a credit card at the waiter, walk her out to his car, and go back in to sign the slip. By the time Ben slid into the driver’s seat five minutes later, Kat had managed to get a tenuous hold on herself.

  He glanced over, taking in the utter emotional mess that was Kat, and sighed. “I’m thinking the opera is a bad idea tonight. Those damn things are depressing enough.” Ben smiled wryly. “I don’t want to spend the whole evening stopping you from jumping off the balcony.”

  Kat sniffled into her stolen napkin. “Just take me home, Ben. I’m pretty sure I’ve tortured you enough for one night.”

  “I have a better idea. Let’s get you changed out of those clothes – ‘cause, you look beautiful, but they they’ve gotta be uncomfortable as hell. And then let’s do something mindless.” Ben tapped the side of his thumb on the steering wheel thoughtfully. “How about a movie
? Or bowling?”

  Kat sniffled. “I love bowling, but my leg is acting up. I think I pressed my luck with these stupid shoes.” She paused, nodding slowly. “A movie actually sounds great.” Kat met Ben’s eyes. “If you’re sure. Don’t feel like you have to babysit me just because I am an irrational, emotional disaster right now. If you want to drop me off and never speak to me again, I’ll totally understand. I swear to God, I have never behaved like this in my life. I don’t know what’s gotten into me.”

  Liar. You know exactly what…

  Exactly who.

  Ben shifted into reverse. “Nah. Now that we’ve established we have zero romantic interest in each other…” Kat laughed and he grinned at her. “I think we can have a really good time together.”

  Kat nodded. “Sounds wonderful, Ben. Thank you.”

  And they did have a great time. One farcical buddy comedy, Burger King, and a scoop of ice cream from Baskin-Robbins later, Kat was feeling a little better. They talked, laughed, and even managed to have – like Ben had said – a bunch of mindless fun.

  Although he was really never far from Kat’s mind. And when she was finally back at home, lying in her bed, staring up at the ceiling in the dark, she picked up her phone to call him a hundred times.

  But she didn’t.

  Because, what would have been the point?

  It was better this way.

  No, really…it is.

  *

  Danny jumped when his cell rang.

  Kat.

  But when he checked out the screen, it was only Stella.

  For the fourth time tonight.

  Danny picked up the bottle of Absolut and poured himself another double shot. His hand was a bit unsteady at this point, so the bottom of the bottle clanked against the rim of the tumbler.

  Danny lifted the glass and squinted at it. His vision was hazy, but it didn’t look cracked.

  You’ll find out soon.

  Hoping he didn’t end up in St. Mary’s ER, Danny put the glass to his lips, tilted it, and welcomed the smooth slide of top-notch Swedish vodka down his throat. He was too drunk to feel the burn, but the way the liquor slammed into his empty stomach and rushed to his head thrilled him to no end.

  His phone chimed.

  Kat.