All of You Read online

  “Nathan’s a cop and he’d never cheat on Stella.”

  Fi snorted. “Really, Kat? We’re comparing Nathan and Danny, now? Nathan, who wouldn’t look at another woman to save his life? Nathan, who would be too embarrassed to say the word ‘infidelity,’ let alone do it? Nathan, who’d beat the Pope in a morality contest?” She huffed softly. “Yeah, not really a valid comparison, babe.”

  But he’s so much more than he seems, Kat’s heart whispered. He’s sweet and gentle and thoughtful and…different…

  With me.

  Said every other woman who’d ever fallen for a player! Better Judgment screamed.

  “Yeah, you’re probably right,” Kat forced out, willing back the tears pricking her eyelids.

  Because, if Fi heard anything close to emotion in Kat’s voice, she’d be on the phone with every sister so fast five heads would be spinning. Nine, when the in-laws and Pops got involved.

  Kat plus emotion didn’t add up. She was the steady one. The logical one. The one everyone came to for math homework, objective advice, and reality checks. The one who was always “fine,” “okay,” and answered “nothing” when asked what was wrong.

  It’s not like her family thought she was a robot (although Stella had tossed that word around quite a bit growing up), but no one ever expected Kat to lose her shit.

  Because she never had.

  She’d come pretty damn close a few times, but no one knew about those dark, lonely moments. The loss of her mother. Her MS diagnosis. Pops’ suicide attempt. Stella’s diagnosis. Stella almost dying. The psychological, and sometimes physical, torment of living with MS…

  Kat had endured a lot in relative silence, while helping everyone else get by.

  Not that she minded. Kat knew her gifts included being able to remain calm in any given situation, see the forest through the trees, formulate effective plans, and implement those plans in order to correct any issue at hand. Utilizing her abilities to help those she loved was one of Kat’s favorite things about being so different.

  But that didn’t mean she hadn’t spent a lifetime wishing someone would occasionally hold her…comfort her…listen to her…promise her everything would be okay…

  Wishing she had someone strong to cling to during her dark, painful times. Someone she could drop her mask with. Someone she could let down her guard for. Someone who wouldn’t expect her to be strong all of the time. Someone who wouldn’t judge her for her emotional weakness or feel burdened by her physical limitations.

  Kat scoffed inside her mind.

  Yeah, like who? Superman?

  Nah, not Superman. He’s DC and every knows Marvel is the shit.

  Captain America, maybe.

  “You there, Kat?”

  Kat jumped, so lost in her thoughts she’d forgotten to answer.

  “Yeah, I’m here.” She pressed her fingertips to her eyes. “Hey, listen, Fi. I’m really tired. Can I text you in the morning?”

  Fi paused. “You sure you’re okay, cara? I’m worried about you.” When Kat didn’t answer, Fi quietly said, “You can talk to me, Kat. I love you and I want to know if something is bothering you.”

  Kat’s eyes burned with unshed tears. She fisted her free hand into the afghan, as her stomach and throat muscles tightened in an effort to control the sudden emotional uncertainty and physical exhaustion washing over her.

  “Is it the MS? Do you think things are getting worse?” Fi asked.

  Maybe.

  “Or is something else going on?”

  Yes.

  And the two things have nothing – and everything – to do with one another.

  “I had trouble sleeping last night,” Kat finally said. “You know how that exacerbates things. I’m sure a good night’s sleep tonight will fix everything.”

  “I hate that I can’t look at you right now. I can always tell when you’re lying in person, but it’s harder to tell over the phone.”

  “Well, unless you’re planning to fly home right now, you’re just going to have to take my word for it, Fi,” Kat said.

  Fi sighed. “I knew I shouldn’t have left you home alone.”

  Kat’s temper flared. “You know what, Fi, I’m not an invalid! Or a child! I’m a twenty-eight year old woman who is perfectly capable of taking care of herself!”

  After a brief, shocked silence, Fi said, “Oh, honey, I know. I was just trying-”

  “Then I’d appreciate if you – and everyone else – would stop treating me like a fucking cripple!”

  “Kat!”

  Kat closed her eyes, inhaled a deep breath, and exhaled slowly.

  Get your shit together.

  Now.

  “I’m tired. I need to go to bed. I will call you tomorrow morning, okay?”

  When Fi began rambling about love, concern, and being sorry, Kat cut her off again.

  “I’m hanging up now, Fi. Call the sisters if you want, but they’ll have to break down the door to get in.”

  A few scenarios raced through Kat’s head involving Gigi with a screwdriver, Nina with her firearm, and Stella with her doting husband (who would break in just to shut her up).

  Kat exhaled a long sigh. “I promise you I’m okay. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, bright and early, okay?”

  “Yeah…okay.”

  The hurt in Fi’s voice broke Kat’s heart.

  “I love you, Fi. And I know you guys all mean well.” Kat sighed again. “Sorry I snapped at you. Maybe my period is coming, ‘cause I feel all sorts of bitchy right now.”

  “Yeah, no shit,” Fi shot back and Kat smiled. “Okay, if you’re going to refuse to tell me what’s wrong, I’ll let it go for now. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  “Okay. Talk to you tomorrow,” Kat replied.

  “Bye, Kitty-Kat.”

  “Bye, Fifi.”

  Kat hit the end button and tossed her phone aside. She stared at it unseeingly as she thought about what Fi had said…

  For some stupid reason, the least of Kat’s concerns regarding the Danny situation was his past. It probably made her the most naïve human being ever to have lived, but Kat really didn’t think Danny would cheat on someone he was involved in. Or leave someone he was in a relationship with for someone “better.”

  Danny might be promiscuous, but he wasn’t an amoral person. Or an unkind person. Or someone who toyed with people’s emotions and then tossed them aside.

  Kat was woman enough to admit (to herself, anyway) that she’d been very wrong about Danny’s character. She’d judged him without really knowing him, which was unusual for her and something she wasn’t feeling very proud about right now.

  Although, deep inside, Kat knew why she’d judged him so harshly…

  Because she’d been insanely attracted to him from the moment they’d met and that had royally pissed her off.

  And baffled her.

  And scared her.

  And made her feel very less than, because she’d known (or thought she’d known) that Danny wasn’t looking at her that way.

  Knowing now that Danny had felt it, too…that he’d wanted her as badly as she’d wanted him…

  Kat’s stomach flipped remembering the insanely intense way Danny had gazed at her all afternoon. The way he had touched her, tasted her, and listened to her like she was the sexiest, most interesting woman on earth.

  It had been one hundred percent authentic, too. A person couldn’t fake what she’d seen in his eyes, tasted on his lips, and felt in his touch.

  And Kat was right there with him. She’d never felt such a strong draw to anyone in her life, like they were connected by invisible strings that couldn’t be severed.

  But Kat didn’t do connected. She’d hardly done it before MS and certainly didn’t do it now.

  Besides, even putting the whole MS thing aside, the entire concept of she and Danny entering into a relationship was ridiculous. They might be wildly attracted to each other, but a relationship could not be built upon – or sustained by – pheromo
nes, lust, and a general high regard for one another. Romantic entanglements were hard enough between two “normal” people, but between two people with as much emotional and physical baggage as Danny and Kat?

  Starting something like that up would be ensuring lots of big, painful messes that would undoubtedly end very, very badly.

  And they were not strangers; there were other ties to consider here, too. Kat was Gia’s godmother and Danny was her godfather. Kat’s sister was married to Danny’s best friend. There would be long years of endless interactions and all that ugliness would do nothing but make everyone’s lives uncomfortable, painful, and stressful.

  Nope, best to sever the ties now. Before things went too far.

  Kat decided, then and there, to get her head on straight. Shit needed to be gotten together. ASAP.

  Danny was a nice guy. A decent, funny, sexy, jaded, tough, interesting guy Kat really liked. She understood now why Nathan had remained friends with him all these years and why someone as discriminating as Stella cared for him. Kat had witness first hand what a wonderful police officer he was and she totally understood the magnetism people experienced around him.

  Now Kat could be friends with him, too. They’d gotten to know each other a little more and obviously liked and respected each other. It would be fun to see Danny at all the family functions. They could talk and laugh and…and…

  Kat grabbed a throw pillow and buried her face, open-mouth sobbing into it until her throat was raw, her diaphragm ached, and her eyes were nearly swollen shut.

  She cried for the years she’d spent feeling like an outsider, the depths of loneliness she’d never had the courage to face, the fleeting moments of acceptance and understanding Danny had given her, and the gut-wrenching pain of knowing she’d have to wake up tomorrow and go back to who she’d been before those moments – alone, misunderstood, and putting on a brave face, despite a near debilitating fear constantly swirling inside of her.

  Kat let herself cry it out before until, with one last shuddering sigh and shaking hands, she reached for her phone again.

  She spent the next hour taking care of business: texting Gigi (although she knew it was safe to assume Stella had already given Gigi the full rundown of Kat’s “disappearance” and “recovery”), texting Pops and telling him he was on for a Scrabble-fest tomorrow night, texting Giovanni and telling him she was free to help with his Physics project tomorrow after work, texting Carla and telling her – yes – she was free to babysit two weeks from Wednesday. She even sent Nina a brief note, even though Nina was not big on pointless chit-chat.

  Kat’s finger paused when she got to the next text message. She hadn’t seen it earlier, but it was from this afternoon…right about the time she and Danny had been grinding away on his couch.

  And it was from Ben: Hey, Kat. Sorry you weren’t in today. Hope everything is okay. Assuming it is, I’m wondering if you like to go out this Friday? Normally I’d wait to talk to you in person, but I thought I’d work on making the reservations ASAP – assuming you’re free, of course. And assuming you are willing, of course. Anyway, this is about twice as long as my normal texts, so I’ll wrap it up. Let me know what you think about Friday. No pressure…

  Tears welled in her eyes again, because it was weird to have another guy text her after what she’d shared with Danny.

  Kat identified the feeling as totally illogical. She and Danny weren’t a couple. They weren’t even technically friends, although, surely what they’d done had earned them a title.

  Make-out partners? One-way oral sex buddies?

  Kat couldn’t help but crack a tiny smile.

  Well, how lovely.

  The truth was, if Kat hadn’t really been all that enthused about going out with Ben before she’d spent time with Danny, she was even less so now.

  But she was going to, because she couldn’t think of a single reason not to.

  Because I made out with my brother-in-law’s best friend wasn’t really reason enough and I know I told you I would, but I don’t really like you that way wasn’t gonna cut it either. Not at this late date.

  Also, all of Kat’s reasons for accepting Ben’s invitation before were still valid. She still needed to appease some of the loneliness – maybe even more so now.

  Plus, Danny wasn’t letting what they’d shared stop him, so why should she?

  Kat finally texted: Sorry for the delayed response. Yes, I am free on Friday. I will be at work tomorrow, so we can talk more then. Thanks, Kat Ciaramitaro.

  She hesitated before she hit send.

  But then she thought about how Danny would probably have sex with two more women by Friday…about how he was probably having sex with one now.

  Kat jabbed that send button, curled up on the couch with every light in the apartment on, and stared at the ceiling until it was time to get up for work.

  Chapter Sixteen

  ‡

  Go-Go Jones, a transgendered prostitute and constant fixture on Danny and Nathan’s beat for the past ten years, gave them an animated wave as she teetered past the cruiser on purple-sequined high heels.

  At Nathan’s quirked brow, Go-Go turned and showed them a bulge beneath her bright purple spandex miniskirt, at the small of her back. Go-Go turned back with a big smile, Nathan gave her a thumbs-up, and she blew them a kiss before moving on.

  “Does she seem out of it to you?” Danny asked, watching Go-Go sashay away.

  Well, she was trying to, but Go-Go seemed to be doing more stumbling than walking tonight.

  “Yeah, but I’m thinking that comes with the territory. I can’t imagine a human being fucking for money without needing some sort of shit to make it through.” Nathan eyed Go-Go’s gait for a few more seconds. “But, you’re right…I think she’s more off than normal.”

  “I wanna keep an eye on her. We can’t have her getting robbed or roughed up,” Danny said. “I know she typically holds her own, but I don’t like the way she looks right now.”

  “I’m with you. And in this freezing weather…” Nathan shook his head. “We’re gonna have to check on a lot of our girls tonight, probably more than once. They get all hopped up on that shit and their bodies don’t register the cold properly.”

  There were a lot of people, including fellow cops and superior officers, who didn’t approve of Danny and Nathan’s hands-off approach to dealing with prostitution.

  Good thing neither one of them gave a flying fuck what anyone else thought.

  Like Nathan always said, prostitutes, vagrants, and drug addicts had a rough enough time of it without making their shitty lives even shittier by arresting them and throwing them in jail.

  Doing that never fixed the problem, anyway, so why bother? Better to help them the best Danny and Nathan could out on the streets, rather than handcuffing them, throwing them in lock-up, and then having to do it all over again on their next shift.

  So, unless they were harming themselves and/or harming others, Danny and Nathan stood down. They tried getting them fed, finding them some kind of shelter, and protecting them as best they could.

  Now, johns, pimps, and drug dealers were a whole other story. Someone probably could have made a case for double-standards and Danny and Nathan bending the law to suit their personal moral codes. But, again, neither one of them gave a shit what anyone else thought about their shared mentality and methodology. It was a system that had worked for them for the past ten years and they wouldn’t be changing it up any time soon.

  “I’ll let her get to Sandridge and then we’ll roll up on her.” Nathan shook his head as Go-Go tried turning the corner, tripping and almost falling into a snow bank. “Although, a twisted ankle might take her out before the weather or a john can.” He shot Danny a look. “Where the hell do you even buy shoes that high?”

  Danny’s brows shot up. “What are you looking at me for? I don’t shop at ‘Hookers R Us.’”

  “I figured you might have gotten into a shoe wear discussion with one of your stripper
friends or bar flies at least once over the years,” Nathan shot back with a half-smile.

  Nathan was joking and, normally, Danny wouldn’t have thought twice about it. But for some reason, tonight, Nathan’s comment made him want to lose his shit.

  Okay, not some reason.

  Kat.

  And her radio silence the past twenty-four hours.

  It had taken Danny exactly fourteen hours to say “fuck it” and call her. He’d had no idea what he was going to say, but the urge to talk to her had him dialing with no plan whatsoever in place.

  That had been over ten hours ago now and Danny hadn’t heard a peep back. He’d called and texted numerous times over the course of day with zero response to everything.

  Danny knew she was okay because Nathan had mentioned her going over to her sister Gigi’s house to work on some science project with one of her nephews tonight.

  And, because they both had iPhones, Danny knew she’d seen the text messages…the Read at message with the time showed up after each one.

  So why the hell isn’t she answering me?

  Danny reminded himself Kat didn’t owe him anything, even a text or phone call back. It’s not like they were dating, or even friends. He’d classify them as close acquaintances.

  Who’d sucked each other’s faces off.

  And one of the acquaintances had sucked off a lot more than that.

  And that particular acquaintance was dying to do it again.

  Danny cleared his throat, right leg bouncing like crazy. “So, anything else going on? Anything new with Stella’s family?”

  Nathan took a long drag of his iced tea, head shaking. “Nope. Same old, same old.”

  Danny wanted to grab Nathan by his uniform lapels and shake him for being such a succinct son-of-a-bitch.